Rules kids would make for their separated parents -- if they could

If children could make rules for their parents to follow, I suspect that it would include the following:

1.  Keep me out of "adult stuff".  

I don't need to hear bad things about the other parent and/or their family members.

I don't want to hear that my other parent had an affair or caused the break-up of our family.
It hurts me to hear these things.  

I don't care if I'm an adult, I still don't want to hear about how bad my other parent was in the past.  I love you both.  I don't need to know this bad stuff about the other parent. I already know it -- but I don't want to hear it come out of your mouth!

2.  I don't want to hear you say bad things about my other parent.

It hurts me when you talk badly about my other parent.  
I love both of you.  
I'm 50% of both of you -- when you talk bad about my other parent then you are also saying that I'm 50% bad. 
Please stop rolling your eyes and other body language when I bring up the other parent. 
It hurts me.

3.  Don't make me feel bad for loving my other parent.

It took 2 people to create me.  
YOU chose my other parent to be my parent.  
So what does it show about you if you hooked up with such a bad person.
I love both of you.
It hurts me when you try to make me feel guilty. 
 I don't care if the other parent is a "bad" person or had an affair.  

4.  Please get along.

I want both of you to participate in my life.
Why cannot you behave at public events (games, plays, birthdays & graduation)?
You are embarrassing me by your outbursts and yelling at each other.
Please be civil. 
You don't have to sit next to each other -- but don't make a "scene" & embarrass me in front of my friends.
I love you both and want you both there.

5.  Don't make me choose sides.

This is a form of child abuse.  
I hate being put in the middle.
I love you both.

6.  No fighting in front of me.

I get physically and emotionally upset with you fight in front of me.
I hate it.
Please stop it.
I love you both.

7. Don't make me a messenger or put me in the middle.

I'm a kid -- I cannot remember all this "adult stuff" you want to tell my other parent.
I cannot remember it all.
Please talk directly to the other parent.

8.  Don't share or take your anger out on me.

When you are mad at the other parent, I hate it when you yell at me because you are upset.
This is not fair to me.
Please let me be a kid.

9.  Don't ask me to spy.
I hate it when you ask me a bunch of questions about my other parent.
I stresses me out.
I just want to be a kid.
I love you both - don't put me in the middle.
It's like a quiz that I cannot pass.

10.  Give me one-on-one time with both parents.

I want to spend time with both of my parents.  
Let me text or Skype my other parent without interfering.
I don't love you less because I want to talk to my other parent.
I love you both.
Please let me be a kid and love you both.
You both created me -- together.
No you are apart -- but I still love you both!