Child Support - For
someone going through a divorce in Texas and wanting to know about child
support, they need to first look at their tax returns. In Texas, we take into
account all sources of income also known as net resources. For example, I've
actually had people that don't “work” or are “unemployed”. I said, “Okay, how
do you live and pay your bills?” For example, one man owned several blocks of
downtown Houston. He lived off of his investments. Well, his child support will
be based on his income based on his tax returns. He was a multi-millionaire. He
was not happy about having to pay child support because he did not actually
“work”.
What most people don’t realize is that other people have tried
every trick in the book. At the courthouse is a syndrome referred to as “RAIDS”
or “Recently Acquired Income Deficiency Syndrome”. The best example I have of
that is, if I had an engineer quit his job, making over $200,000 a year. He
decided to become a bagger at a grocery store making minimum wage. We went
down, and the judge said, "I think it is lovely that you are a bagger at a
grocery store. You are purposely underemployed and therefore you are going to
pay child support at your last job at $200,000 a year." Needless to say,
the guy was upset.
I had an oil executive that got laid off in the oil
business. I said, "Okay, so are you going to go get another job?" He
said, "Yeah." I said, "Okay, it will be based on your new
job." He was upset and wanted it based on his unemployment. Judges know
that most oil executives get new jobs and they are willing to wait a few months
until the person gets a new full-time job with benefits.
Child Custody & Spousal Support - Since Texas is a gender neutral state, I’ve had at least
3 women in the last year that had “house husbands” that they supported 100%
because the men were home raising the children while the wife worked. In all 3 cases, the men qualified for spousal
support. I thought men paying spousal
support were angry until I observed these women’s reactions.
Many people are under the mistaken belief that Texas does
not have alimony. The legislature of Texas opened that door several years ago
and the door is getting opened wider and wider every time the Texas legislature
meets. Texas is not as generous as
California, but Texas has now opened the door.
Many women mistakenly believe that they get automatic
custody in Texas of the minor children. Again, the Texas legislature has
changed the Texas Family Code to be gender neutral. Having given birth does not automatically
insure that a woman will win primary custody.
I often hear people talk about in Texas is “full
custody”. I have no idea that that means
since it is not a legal term used in Texas.
It is presumed in the Texas Family Code that the parents will co-parent
and that they will both have Joint Custody of the minor children. Joint custody does not mean that there will
be no child support. Joint custody does
not mean that the parents will equally share the children. I urge people to talk to an experienced
family law attorney when the first begin to think about separating or
divorcing.
Why Mediation Works - I'm
always appalled about the attorneys that don't prepare their clients for the
reality of divorce and child custody cases. In mediation I frequently find out
more about the case then their own attorney because I ask a lot of questions.
That's how I settle cases at mediation, because I actually listen to the people
discuss their feelings and their fears.
Fear, anger, revenge, and other emotions can often paralyze a
person. A person that is in panic mode
cannot make rational and reasonable decisions.
A person’s feelings must be addressed in order to help them make
decisions that they will not regret later and move forward. Some attorneys try to avoid discussing
emotions and feelings. In order to be an
effective mediator, I must address what is motivating the people and their
feelings.
When I litigated, I often had judges ask me why I never had
contested hearings and trials in their courtroom. I would tell them that I know how they are
going to rule in a case and I can therefore usually settle a case without going
to mediation or trial. A good attorney
knows the judge and the judge’s approach to applying the law. Even though the State of Texas only has one
Family Code, the code is interpreted by the Judge. Every judge is different and each judge has
their own interpretation of the law.
Advice to people going through a divorce or modification - I tell people is do not talk to everyone about what
you're going through, because quite frankly, after awhile, you get really
boring and people will begin to avoid you. Then I tell people that they should
immediately go into therapy to get them through this difficult period I also
can assure them that if they work really, really hard, two years from now
they’ll be in a much better place.
What Judges say about talking “bad” about the other parent - Also, one judge recently told me that 2’s don't marry
10’s. The best example I'd like to give is when a woman says, "You
know, I've got four kids, my husband's a drug addict, he doesn't work, he
sleeps all the time and plays video games." I said to them, "I'm
sorry. You chose to stay with him all these years, and have more than one child
with him. The bottom line, when you go in front of the judge, how does that
reflect well on your selection process?" It shows very poor judgement and
common sense. People are appalled when I say that, but more than one judge told
me that they picked each other and they have to live with the decisions that
they have made. For example, several
years ago one mother and father got on the stand and said how bad the other
parent was. The judge stopped the process and said, "Here's the bottom
line. I believe both of you. I'm calling CPS and your children are immediately
going into CPS (TX Children’s Protective Services) custody." I was at the
courthouse that morning and the word spread like wildfire about what the judge
had done in the case. That afternoon, I got a phone call from the mommy, and
she and daddy were now the best of friends because their kids were in CPS
custody. I said to her, "I already heard about your case and I’m not
interested unless you show up in my office with $15,000 and understand that it
will probably take 6 months or more to get your children back home.” She was
like, "We don't have that kind of money." I said, "You guys
decided to sling the mud and say how bad the other parent was, and the judge
determined that you were both telling the truth so she is obligated to protect
your children." These parents had to go through a lot of time, money and
almost a year of being supervised by CPS and completing the CPS parenting plan (supervised
visits with their children, drug tests, therapy, parenting classes, home
inspections, etc.) to get their children back home.
Reality of Family Law in Texas Courts - People don’t understand that good attorneys resolve most
of their cases, if they cannot resolve their case then the attorneys go to a mediator
for help in trying to settle the case.
If the mediator cannot settle the case, then the Judge hears the
case. So if you think about it, Judges
see the worst of the worst of people in their county. Judges dockets are huge and judges don’t have
the time to hear every case. In reality, in the Houston area, approximately 90%
of all cases are resolved without a judge ever hearing the matter.
Surprise Divorce – I
have often seen one spouse has been unhappy for a long time and eventually
something happens (usually it’s minor) that makes them file for divorce. When the other spouse is served with divorce
papers they are shocked because they had no idea that their marriage was in
trouble. Some people have not fought in
years and often they have not even spoken to each other for a long time. At least when people are fighting they are
still attempting to communicate.
How People should act when their relationship is ending - When spouses have children, I always encourage people to
take the high road and never talk bad about their spouse to the children. I remind people that the children are 50% of
each of them and when they insult the other parent then they are also insulting
the child. I encourage them to never discuss “adult business” with the
child. It is the child’s job to be their
child and it is the parent’s job to act like adults and do what is in their
child’s best interests. If both parents
are unhappy and the child is doing well then the parents are obviously doing
something right.
I say you should always take the high road so that you can
look at yourself in the mirror two years from now, so if something bad happens
to the other spouse that you know you did the right thing.
Social Media Warning -
With the internet, new areas of conflict are occurring – such as social media.
People post the most unbelievably damaging things on social media. I’ve
seen death threats, admissions of illegal activities, selfies of drunk people,
etc. Many attorneys are now including in their legal services agreement that a
person will not post anything on any social media site while the attorney
represents the person. My advice, stay off of social media – especially if you
have had an alcoholic beverage.
I recently did a mediation, and the wife’s alcohol
consumption was an issue. The husband walks in with social media posts that had
been posted within the last 24 hours.
The night before our mediation the wife and her mother posted photos of
them drinking in bar. I went to her mother
and said, "You knew alcohol was a huge factor in this divorce, and the two
of you were in a bar last night?" Her Mom replied "Well, we only had
two or three beers." I looked at her and pulled up her Facebook page, all the
photos were of the mother in bars drinking.
There were no photos of the children or anything other than bar photos. I said, "Here's the bottom line. Every time
you get drunk, you go on Facebook. Let me give you a hint. Next time you get
drunk, turn off your phone."
I recently had an unusual experience at a mediation, the
husband showed me his cell phone with vile text messages from the wife. I got permission from the husband to show the
wife. (I have them in separate rooms
because of domestic violence allegations.)
I show them to her, and she's like, "I never sent any of
those." I said, "Well, let me see your phone." It's a different
phone number. A lot of people buy burner phones, so I got my cell phone out,
and I dialed the number that apparently the messages were coming from, and the
guy's briefcase rang. The blood drained from the husband’s face.
My personal story –
I’m on marriage #3 so hopefully I’ve learned a few things. I’ve also been a Texas attorney approx. 25
years and I’ve been doing family law for 20 years. My kid's 30, and I still talk to my ex-husband
all the time. We planned a wedding together – my ex, his wife and me.
After I divorced, my child was very little and we had a lot of problems. I
thought getting a divorce would solve my problems, but it did not. It merely
changed my problems. So we went to
therapy for 2 years. It was the best
money we could have spent. We had to
learn how to co-parent. The counselor we
to learn to co-parent. As I tell people,
if you work hard then things will get better.
At my daughter’s high school graduation party my daughter
stood up and thanked her dad and I for never putting her in the middle. She said that she was the only child of
divorced parents that was only having one graduation party – most of her
friends had to have 2 parties because their parents could not be in the same
room with each other. How sad –
especially for the child.
In Summary - Remember,
once you have children you are never truly divorced. You will co-parent your children and your
future grand-children for the rest of your lives. At one time, you obviously loved the other
parent and now things have changed between you, but that does not mean that
either of you can quit being a parent.
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