Thursday, December 18, 2014

Tips on how to stay married

I found a copy of an article about how to avoid divorce and stay happily married.

Unfortunately I don't know who wrote it so I could give the person credit.

Marriage advice I wish I'd known:

1.  Never stop "dating" your spouse.  Never take your spouse for granted.  Never get lazy about your love.

2.  Protect you own heart.  Be sure to love yourself fully, love the world opening but here is a special place in your heart where no one must enter except for your spouse.

3.  Fall in love over and over and over again.  Both of you are constantly changing. You are not the same people you were when you married and in 5 years you will not be the same person that you are today.  Change will come and in that you have to re-choose your spouse everyday.

4. Always see the best in your spouse.

5.  It is not your job to "fix" or change your spouse.

6.  Take full accountability for your own emotions.  Your spouse cannot make you sad or happy. You are responsible for finding your own happiness.

7.  Never blame your spouse if you get frustrated or angry at him/her.  These are your emotions and you need to "own" them.  If your spouse "triggers" negative emotions then you need to heal yourself.

8.  Allow your spouse to just be.  It is not your job to fix your spouse.  It is your job to hold your spouse and let him/her know it's ok when they are upset or sad.  Let your spouse know that you are actively listening and that your spouse is important to you.  Don't run away when your spouse is upset - be present and strong and assure your spouse that you are not going anywhere.

9.  It's ok to be silly.  Don't take yourself too seriously.  Laugh and make your spouse laugh.  Laughter makes the hard times a bit easier.

10. Fill your spouse's soul everyday - learn how to make your spouse feel validated and cherished.

11. Be present. Treat your spouse like you would treat your most valuable client.

12. Be willing present sexually too.

13.  Don't be an idiot. Everyone makes mistakes.  Try not to make too many big ones.  Neither of you are "perfect" but don't be too stupid either.  Think before you act.

14.  Give your spouse space.  Everyone needs some space to renew and get re-centered.

15. Be vulnerable.  Share your fears and feelings and quickly acknowledge your mistakes.

16.  Be fully transparent.  Don't wear a mask in your relationship with your spouse.  If you want to have trust then you must be willing to share everything.

17.  Never stop growing together.  Find common goals, dreams and visions to work towards.

18.  Don't worry about money.  It does not help when you fight.  Figure out ways to let both of you win.  Work together.

19.  Forgive immediately.  Don' hold onto past mistakes. Forgiveness is freedom.

20. Always choose love. Love will always endure.

Be the type of spouse that your spouse will want to brag about!

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