Friday, July 12, 2013

Divorce is the Death of Your Marriage

I often begin my mediations with this...

Divorce is the death of your marriage.

It is the end of your hopes and dreams together.

You never imagined on your wedding day that you would ever end your relationship in a divorce.

Obviously when you married you loved each other very much and you intended to spend the rest of your lives together.  You both had plans to share our lives together.  You intended to build a future together.

Now all of those plans are destroyed.  All of your dreams and hopes are gone.  The feelings that you have are valid.  Signing the paperwork in your divorce will not make these feelings go away. Even if you get everything that you want in your divorce, these feelings will not "magically" go away.

I have found that time is the best healer for the pain that you are going through.

I want to assure you that things will get better.  I encourage you to take things one day at a time.  If you have ever lost someone close to you, then you understand what I am telling you - at first the loss was overwhelming and you did not think that you could survive the hour but gradually the loss became bearable and you learned how to get incorporate the loss into your daily routine.  You did not forget how much you loved this person but you have been able to gon on with your life and you learned to have joy in your life again.

Both of you are grieving.  There is no right way to grieve.  Divorce is a lot like a death, but you still keep seeing each other.  In some ways it is actually worst than a death, because you still keep "bumping" into each other and have to keep talking to each other because you have children together.

Therefore, your relationship have to "evolve" into a new relationship for the sake of your children.
Just because your marriage is over it does not mean that your relationship is over.  It is now going to evolve into a new relationship.  None of you know right now what that is going to look like.

Whether you like it or not, you are going to co-parent your children together for the rest of your lives and your children's lives.  You are going to be co-grand-parenting your grand-children together.

I cannot fix the past.  But I can encourage you to start today to start anew.

The anger in your heart is only hurting you.  Eventually you are going to get physically ill.  You will probably get high blood-pressure and other illnesses if you keep this anger inside of you.

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