Man complaining of being a "pawn" in a child support case

Question: Child's birth is early 2015. I have supported the mother with financial thioughout the separation. I have been told to stay away which I have concurred. She is planning to take me to court and I have to protect myself and the impending relationship with my child. My concern is the welfare of my child and our relationship. I have even suggested that I would remove myself from the equation. However, I will not be used as a pawn as a payee and not a father. 

My reply:

In order to owe child support the baby must be born alive.  

Basically, in Texas you will be paying child support and you be ordered by a judge to carry health insurance for the child if you are determined to be the bio father. You will also be liable for 50% of all uninsured medical bills.  

If the child ever becomes disabled before the age of 18 then you can be ordered to pay support for the child's entire life! It does not end at 18 if the child is unable to ever support himself/herself.  

So your comment about not being "a pawn" won’t work in front of a judge.  They hear this argument on a daily basis when a bio dad does not want to pay child support.   The judges don’t care whether or not you see your kid -- but you will be required to support it. The Texas Legislature has passed laws about both parents supporting their bio children.  

The Texas Family Code is available on-line for free.  Just google it.

Child support comes BEFORE rent, food, clothing, cars, basically everything.  If you have to sleep on a friend's couch to pay child support then judges expect you to do whatever it takes to pay your child support. 

Until the child turn 18, a judge can threaten you with jail.  After 18, you can no longer be jailed but you owe the monetary debt. 

Child support is the debt that never goes away – at 6% interest.  It is not dischargeable at bankruptcy, you can lose your passport, driver’s license and/or any professional license you have obtained.  You can be jailed for 6 months, your credit rating will be ruined, and it will eventually be subtracted from your social security check if you don’t pay it before you retire. The TX A G can intervene in any inheritance you might be entitled to in the future.  Even when the kid turns 18 the debt remains — I’ve had 2 phones this past month involving kids in their 30’s with dads that still owe child support. 

Pretty soon you are paying interest on the 6% interest.  It grows every month.  

The good news is that the TX legislature reduced the interest rate from 12% to 6% because at 12% the amount of money grows quickly. 

So what do I recommend?

1.  Consultation with a family law attorney in your area immediately to discuss the facts of your particular case -- every case is different -- after 25 years of practice I have never had the exact same case two times.  You can call me if you live in the Houston area or a county around Harris County.  I charge $250 per hour for a face-to-face consultation or look on www.avvo.com for help.

2.  Do nothing and see what she does.  Be advised that the TX A G or the mother can ask a court to order retro-active child support up to 4 years.  It used to be unlimited so the Texas Legislature does occasionally make pro-father laws.  

If she ever collected any state or federal aide (like insurance or WIC, or food stamps), then the TX A G will come after you.  It will take 2-3 years.  Their forms are horrible and very un-father friendly.  Please don’t set foot in their office without an attorney!  (One guy over paid his child support by $300 a month for 3 years because of a typo -- yes a typo!— his wife knew it all along and just laughed when I caught it — he could not get any money back — too late to fix it.) 

3.  Hire an attorney to file a paternity action (and DNA testing) after the baby is born and set up short frequent visits and address your support obligations.

Ask for joint managing conservatorship with a residency restriction.  Ask for liberal "rights and duties" so make parenting decisions regarding the child.  Don't let Mom have all "independent" rights or she never has to consult with you regarding the child.

4. After you get permanent orders, if Mom won’t or cannot cooperate then you need to have money readily accessible to hire an attorney to file contempt on her.  Judges expect parents to co-parent together.

5.  If you cannot communicate then the judge will order you to communicate through www.ourfamilywizard.com - it's approx. $100 a year for each of you.  The judge can look at your communications & determine how the communications problems are occurring. 

These are the basic options you have available.

I would cut her some slack.  She is pregnant and hormonal.  Be gentle with her since stress can harm the baby.  

What does custody mean in the State of Texas?

What is custody and co-parenting with other the parent?

Custody is the care and decision-making rights regarding a minor child.  

In Texas we use the term conservator and not guardian of a minor child.  FYI: Guardianship is totally different that conservatorship.  Texas is one of the few states to use this term and many people do not understand it.  If you don't understand then you need to talk in person to a family law attorney so the details can be explained to you full.

In Texas, there are a set of "rights and duties" of a conservator.  These are vital to understand because they impact your decision making ability regarding the minor child.  

Even if parents are "joint managing conservators" it does not mean that child support won't be ordered.  JMC is merely a term in Texas.  It does not mean that the parents will have equal access to the minor child! Visitation is determined in the section of the legal document called "Possession Order".  

In Texas, the non-custodial parent can ask for an Expanded Possession Order for the child and see the child approximately 48% of the time.  It does not mean that child support won't be ordered.  

Co-parenting is a situation in which two unmarried parents essentially share custody of a child.  Each is responsible for equal amounts of responsibility and decision-making concerning a child's upbringing.  The general consensus is that children are at their best when they have an equal relationship with each parent, even when parents are not married or living in the same location.  The law views parenting as both a right and a duty, and in most cases when it is safe for the child, does all it can to allow a child to maintain a relationship with both parents.

Mediation can play a role in settling both custody and co-parenting issues.  When parents prefer to make decisions about their child’s well-being without interference from the court, mediation allows them to discuss the matter at hand and come to a legally binding resolution with less expense and without the invasive nature of taking the issue to court. 

I encourage people to use mediation to resolve their child issues.  For example, in Houston traffic does not move at 6pm on Fridays.  Therefore, I often recommend that the parents exchange at a different time to make the exchange of the child easier on everyone.  Mediation offers a lot of options to parents.  

What is an uncontested divorce n the State of Texas?

What is an uncontested divorce?

An uncontested divorce is an option when both spouses agree to end their marriage and settle the various issues related to the divorce without contention. 

Often, uncontested divorce is used by couples that own no property together and have no children.  

However, even in more complicated cases, if a couple is able to come to an agreement concerning property division, custody, child support, and other financial issues, uncontested divorce can still be an option. 

Though couples in Texas pursuing uncontested divorce do not need individual legal representation, it is smart for them to seek the advice of a divorce attorney before finalizing their arrangement so they fully understand what they are agreeing to do.  

Furthermore, child support and custody issues will need to be approved by a judge in the final legal document that is signed by the judge.  Many judges will sign any other that both parties ask them to do and if both parties have signed the legal document approving their agreements.   Again, this is up to each individual judge in the State of Texas.  No one can force a judge to sign an order.  

A divorce attorney can provide information and guidance concerning what the judge might do in your county.  If a specific matter in an uncontested divorce becomes an issue, mediation can be used to reach a settlement.

If a case is "uncontested" it can save thousands of dollars in legal fees.  For example, the other party does not need to be served by a process server and that easily saves approximately $250.

Each county charges a filing fee to file a divorce.  The cost is usually between $200-$300.  It varies in each county and is determined by the District Clerk's office in each Texas county.  

The Final Decree of Divorce is only one of the documents needed to be submitted to the judge for approval.  Texas requires a Bureau of Vital Statistics form be submitted for any family law matter that is handled by a Texas court.  If there are minor children, then a Employer Wage Withholding order for child support, a medical insurance order to the employer to cover the child on health insurance and perhaps some other forms are required.  Each judge determines what they want submitted in order to sign a Final Decree of Divorce.  Attorneys have no say on in this matter.  

Many judges also require that both parties attend a 4-hour parenting class and submit the proof of attendance.  The cost of these varies.  There are now many sites that offer these classes on-line.  Prices start around $25 - $60.  

I urge people that are divorcing to try to do an uncontested divorce whenever possible.  If there are children involved then you will be co-parenting for the rest of your lives! 

Is there legal separation in the State of Texas?

What is separation in Texas?

There is no official legal separation in the state of Texas.  Couples wishing to legally separate from one another must seek a divorce.  In some instances, attorneys will work with couples to create an informal separation (called temporary orders) that allows them time apart, to seek counseling and restore their marriage.  However, this is not the same as a legal separation available in other states that require a couple to establish financial obligations, custody arrangements, property arrangements, and allocation of employment benefits with their spouse.  Many states acknowledge legal separation in much the same way they do an official divorce, but Texas does not allow for this.

When Texas couples want some form of separation, there are only a limited number of things that attorneys can do to protect each spouse.  Some seek a temporary binding legal document signed by a judge that is commonly known as temporary orders, which is a temporary division of property  and addresses important issues regarding their minor children.   This separates some or all financial affairs for a pre-determined allotment of time while a couple remains married.

What is elder law medaition?

What is elder law mediation?

Elder law mediation offers an out-of-court tool for settling family disputes related to senior family members.  Family disputes related to aging family members might be related to long-term care and guardianship, financial matters and other issues with the family estate, and plans for retirement, benefits, and medical care.  Mediation provides a non-confrontational way by which to settle these disputes. 

Because there are many issues involved in elder law, both practical and emotional, it is often better to resolve conflicts within the family.  Elder law mediation is private and keeps the decision-making control in the hands of the family members.  Mediation is also less expensive and time-consuming than litigation, and makes it easier to preserve family relationships in the long run.  Elder law mediators work with family members to reach a mutually agreed upon resolution that is in the best interest of everyone involved, especially the elderly family member.

7 legal documents that every adult Texas needs

I advise my friends and family to have the following 7 legal documents for all adults in the State of Texas :

1. Last Will and Testament (even if you have a Living Trust document prepared you still need a "pour over" will that puts everything not already in your trust into your trust.) 

Very simply, a will is a legal document that directs how your property will be distributed after you die. In your will, you designate a person you trust to manage the distribution of your assets when you pass. You can also create a trust in your will for the benefit of your spouse or children. In addition, you can name a guardian for minor children. 

If you do not have a will, the State of Texas legislature -- through a process called intestacy -- has laws to determine how your estate is distributed. (The State does not take your assets but it tells the Judge who will inherit your property.) Moreover, if you have not appointed a guardian for your minor children in your will, that decision may be left to a court. 

Probate in the State of Texas with a valid will is cheap and easy.  Without a will then the judge will make all the decisions regarding your estate and it adds a lot of time and money to the probate process. 

2. Statutory Durable Power of Attorney 

A statutory durable power of attorney allows you to name a person you trust as your agent, to manage your finances if you are no longer capable of managing them yourself. For example, if you become temporarily or permanently disabled. 

Again, if you do not have this in place, the courts could take charge of this and appoint a guardian to make the decisions on your behalf. 

This is a very powerful legal document so you need to be careful who you select to manage your finances.  

3. Medical or Health Care Power of Attorney 

A medical or health care power of attorney allows you to appoint a trusted person to make medical decisions for you in case you become unconscious or mentally incapable of making those decisions for yourself. You need this no matter what age you are since you could be in an automobile accident and be unable to communicate with doctors. 

4. Living Will or Directive to Physicians 

A living will -- also called a “directive to physicians” or “health care directive” -- allows you to instruct your physicians not to use artificial methods to prolong your life in the event you are diagnosed with a condition that is terminal or irreversible. 

5. HIPAA Authorization 

A Federal Law called "HIPAA" -- the Health Insurance Portability and Accountability Act -- sets strict rules on who can look at your medical records or receive your medical / health information. With a HIPAA authorization, you can designate a person to receive your medical information from your health care providers or health insurance company. 

6.  Designation of future Guardian

If you become disabled and are unable to take care of yourself, you can list someone that you trust to take care of your physical and/or financial needs.  You can also list anyone that you do not want a court to appoint as a potential guardian.

7.  Designate someone to take care of your funeral arrangements

You can designate someone you trust to take care of all of your final arrangements.  I recommend this even if you have a pre-paid funeral package.  It prevents confusion during a difficult time in your family's life. 

Texas Family Law #16 - I want to bring up my spouse's bad past

Timing is relevant on "bad behavior".

Once a divorce decree is signed by a judge, then everything that happened before the date of the signing can never be brought up in court again.  The judge cannot "listen" to evidence that happened before the signing of the last court order.  So if one party is "very bad" then don't settle and go to the judge to show the judge all the "bad evidence" you have on the other side.

How relevant is the bad behavior?

Writing hot checks is bad but generally it won't impact custody of a child.

A person that molested a child - that will impact a judge's decision on custody.

Can a person that has been in prison ever gain custody of a child?

Yes.  If the person has cleaned up their act and is now a responsible citizen in the community, that person can gain custody.  I was involved in a CPS mediation and one man who had been to prison gained primary custody of his child.  He had worked for over 5 years at the same company, owned a small home and had nothing on his record since his release from prison.

If a person was in prison before you married and you knew it, the judge will also look at you.  If you knew that the person had a "bad record" and you chose to marry and have children, then you cannot expect the judge to question your judgment.

What if he/she "hid" his past? Again, how long did you date before you married, and does it really matter now.

My husband wanted me to have an abortion when I told him I was pregnant - does that matter? No.  What matters is what kind of father he is today.  I actually had one mother tell me this and her child was 15 years old.  I told her to never say it again because her child might hear her hurtful comment.  Plus, he said it one time! He had been supportive of her pregnancy after he settled down.  He had provided for the family for the past 16 years.  This is totally irrelevant.
Plus many men "freak out" when they learn that a woman is pregnant - it's how they behave after the baby is born that is relevant.

Texas Family Law Myth #15 - I want my spouse to pay my legal fees

Generally, both parties pay their own attorney's fees and court costs and fees.

However, if one party controls all the money then the judge can order that party to pay the other party's legal fees.

Also, during the divorce if one party "misbehaves" then the judge can order that all or part of the "innocent" spouse's legal fees be paid.  It is totally up to the judge.

Talk to a family law attorney in your county for guidance.

Texas Family Law Myth #14 - We had $100,000 now we only have $10,000 and I want my $50,000

If during the marriage your savings was at one time $1 million (or whatever) and on the date of separation you only have $10,000 in the bank then you are looking to divide the $10,000.

During a marriage, people can do whatever they want with their money.

If you want more than what currently exists then the burden falls on you as to why you deserve it?  Did the other spouse spend it on their relatives, new "friend", or a child by another relationship? If so, you might be entitled to 50% of the money that has gone to help other people outside of your marriage.  This is often difficult to prove.

If during the marriage one party had major surgery and it ate up all of your savings, then you might not be entitled to anything.  Both parties are obligated to support the other party during the marriage.  Just because one of you had a bad heart, hair transplant, cancer, plastic surgery, etc. it is presumed that you agreed to it.

If you owe money to the IRS, if you signed the tax return then you cannot claim that you are innocent.  By signing you agree that you looked at the tax return. Plus the federal government does not follow Texas family courts - in this case - federal trumps state.

Generally student loans go to the party who took out the loan.  Even though your family "lived" on your student loan money, it is presumed to be your debt.  This can be argued but it is not an automatic division of community debt.

Talk to a family law attorney for guidance.